When I hear the word intimacy only one image comes to mind. Skin on skin as sin intended it to be. Never thinking that I could be intimate without giving in to him. Never knowing that I should be valued for my mind, body and soul, not just wanted for what’s mine; my body under my clothes.
A lost little girl going from one relationship to the next because the thought of being alone was far too complex for me to bother with. Not knowing that I was never alone even though it might of felt like it.
Sad inside, but I had to hide it. Wanting love, but didn’t know how to find it. Searching for it in all the wrong places, getting trapped by my own emotions and agendas. I thought I had what I wanted. I couldn’t think that it could get better then what it was. That thought never came to mind.
I told myself it is what it is and that love is when you stick it out through the good times and the bad. But the bad superseded the good and I never could let go at the time that I should. My heart was chained to the idea of a happily ever after because no one ever told me that fairy tales weren’t real.
But God said, “I can be all you need if you let Me. I won’t force myself on you and I won’t use you… Most importantly I will never leave you.” Now my struggle is letting God be my everything.
When I’m weak for a human touch, God’s love has to be enough. I never wanna go back to that place I was in where I thought that love was a certain special hug that defined how deep our intimacy was. That word has a whole new meaning to me now.
It’s a closeness, a submerging of emotions without any sexual notions. And I thank God that He has redeemed me and rescued me from my inner being… God has given me intimacy.